Don’t be afraid of the dark
When we deny and forget our pain, we deny and forget our humanity. If we are fortunate enough to heal, it’s actually important to remember our previous suffering so that we don’t create a new fantasy world in our minds that denies our past suffering, because doing that can also lead to denying the suffering of others and undermining the development and maintenance of empathy. So it would be as if you had abandoned your former self who needed such help, and that would also lead to abandoning others who also need your help. Not only do we need to be able to connect to and empathize with other human beings; we also need to be able to connect to an empathize with our former selves, if we are better off now.
It is NOT destructive to acknowledge our own present and past pain and the present and past pain of others! It is destructive to NOT acknowledge and remember these things! LIFE IS NOT A FAIRYTALE. The world is made of both good and evil. For God sake, I have the courage to face it! We could never understand life if we ignore either good or evil. They are the yin and the yang, the alpha and omega, God and Devil. To know and understand life and ourselves and others we need to understand, and never forget or ignore, all sides of life.
If we change the subject when someone expresses something dark that they need to share, or if we try to make them feel better right away—which can be experienced by the other as an invitation to stop talking about and acknowledging their pain—that is a disservice and it is destructive and it’s the origin of a lot of the problems that we have. Yes, the denial of the dark side actually makes it easier for the dark to operate. Denial turns us into fools, idiots, deniers, avoiders. It makes us shallow. Even under the best conditions, we all lie to ourselves in many many ways and it’s not healthy for us or for others. It undermines our strength, strength that we need for ourselves and that we need to help others and to serve as good examples, good role models for others.
Suffering, especially if we can recover from it but often even if we can’t recover, makes us much wiser and deeper, and generally makes us better human beings If we can either recover or develop the strength to tolerate our suffering (and the suffering of others).
The truth is that there always has been and there always will be suffering. To deny that or ignore it is to deny and ignore the truth. Acknowledging suffering does not mean that we have to walk around in a bad or gloomy mood, quite the contrary. The goal of growth and development is to be able to find happiness not only under the best possible conditions but also under the worst possible conditions. A wise human is generally a happier human. Wise people acknowledge both the light and the dark. That is where wisdom comes from. And if you can have faith, and if you can be happy without denying the truth, then you are truly a a strong being and a great role model for others. Isn’t that what we should all aspire to?
One aspect of all this is the virtue and wisdom of tolerance. Tolerance for our own deficits and tolerance for others and their mistakes and struggles. If you have an unrealistic view of life, you will be less likely to be tolerant, I believe. A shallow view of life makes you yourself shallow. Shallow people are weak and boring and not much use to others. A truly vital human being who does not run from knowledge or fear can endure and tolerate anything. And this means they can help others as well.
Seek a deep and rich and passionate and multifaceted life. Celebrate the light, but don’t be afraid of the dark or deny it. Learn to be brave so that you can teach others to be brave. Face the truth so that you can teach others to face the truth, all of the truth, not just the pleasant parts.
To paraphrase Nietzsche, this will give you the “why” to tolerate any “how.“ A purpose. The pursuit of wisdom, passion, and courage.