An attempt to decipher the meaning of “Loving Yourself”

It’s often said that in order to be able to love others, first you have to be able to love yourself.

I wonder if it’s the opposite: in order to learn how to love yourself, first you have to learn how to love somebody else. Once you’ve done that, loving yourself just happens naturally and spontaneously, as an afterthought, without any effort. It’s actually of little importance. 

The important question is: can you love someone else? 

Because love comes from the self, but is also selfless. 

You’ll never be able to love yourself until you can love others. 

When you are finally capable of loving someone else, then you will simultaneously become able to love yourself. Because it is only when you love somebody else that you can feel yourself fully. It’s called being human.

No one is human alone. 

So it’s not possible to first learn to love yourself.

Two people have to learn how to love from each other. Once you can love the other, you can also love yourself.

And there’s a difference between learning about love from a parent and learning about love in the process of loving someone else when you are an adult.

I don’t think you ever have truly loved until you learn how to love someone else. You may be loved by your mother and of course that’s good and healthy and all that stuff. But then learning how to love someone else is a whole other process. Being loved by your mother is a narcissistic experience. But loving someone else goes beyond narcissism.

You love your mother because of what she gives you. But as an adult, you love another person because of what they allow you to give to them.